Looking for the best portable bidet for travel? Here’s my honest review of the CuloClean travel bidet — compact, eco-friendly, and bum-approved.
What Is a Travel Bidet?
Bidet (noun): Any device designed to clean your private parts after bathroom excretions using a gentle (or not) stream of water… 💦💩😃
A travel bidet (also called a portable bidet) does the same job, but it’s small and packable! Like this one:
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Why This Travel Bidet Is Perfect for Any Trip
- The Size : This portable bidet is incredibly compact – it barely makes a dent in your bag storage space. About the size of a golf ball, it fits on top of most plastic water or soda bottles. Alternatively, you can purchase a dedicated silent bottle to go with it. They even developed a roll up bottle since I last purchased one. (May have to get one of them too! This is also on Culoclean’s Amazon Store but just the European sites at this point I think)
- Manual operation: One less device to charge and a lot harder to break! Only last month I had a friend with a broken electric portable bidet (nightmare!) So I bought her one of these to replace it! Less fuss and the happy bum returns…
- Variety: Lots of colours to choose from so everyone can have their own if they want !
- Price: Its very affordable due to its simplicity. Due to Amazon’s pricing rules, I can’t show the price—but you can check it by clicking here.
- Simplicity: Just fill it and squeeeeeze it! Even a monkey could figure it out. Speaking of which, maybe we should give them to those red-bummed monkeys? 🐒
Why Every Person Needs a Portable Bidet
I recently bought a CuloClean portable travel bidet and I use it every day, home or away — here’s why every traveler (and human) needs one. It’s a Functional Hippie necessity!
Any traveler who’s explored Asia, Africa, or anywhere off the beaten track will have realized that a flushing toilet with toilet paper IS NOT the universal setup. Neither is it seen as the best way to get the job done in many places – and I wholeheartedly agree! Surely washing your bum properly is better than… well… smearing filth around it until… you get the picture. 💩🍑
My First Encounter with the “Bum Gun”
The first time I was in Asia I was confronted with the bum gun. Its basically a hose pipe with a trigger head plumbed direct into the water supply – a powerful little device that, once you get the hang of it, you might actually enjoy! (Though maybe don’t admit that in some places 🤷🏼♀️)
There is a slight learning curve: A friend of mine has a hilarious story about his first encounter, which involved some misdirection of the hose – resulting in a very dirty bathroom mirror. Perhaps there should be some instructions: Point it downward! 😉
I never looked back and I will definitely be installing one of these in my dream house eventually…at least one!
The Digestive Reality of Travel
It’s no wonder this cleaning method originated in Asia. Most travelers end up visiting the bathroom far more than they’d like in these countries. You haven’t traveled far if you haven’t had at least one “episode” of digestive issues. My initiation was in Bali, 2008 – the infamous Bali Belly, younger sister of Delhi Belly.
During sweltering heat with up to 10 bathroom visits per hour, I was incredibly grateful to have water for cleaning rather than the 1 ply sand paper you will come to expect in many developing countries – their plumbing simply can’t handle any more.
“I’m sitting on a pile of toilet anecdotes, but I’ll spare you… for now!”
Discovering the Best Portable Travel Bidet – LIFE CHANGING!
I’ve dreamed of having one of these fantastical devices in my house since I was 18. Unfortunately, I’ve never owned my own place, but I recently discovered you can get a portable travel bidet (like wow!). These are travel friendly and have left me feeling like I should shout about them from the rooftops! 📢
I’d love to say I’ve tested 10 different models, but I haven’t – I’ve seen a few and judged from afar. For once in my life I think I made a quick decision, went with my gut and it turned out to be a magical decision. I absolutely love it! I’ll never travel/live without the CuloClean portable bidet again.
Plus, Culoclean as a brand is just genius! ‘Culo’ is a colloquial term for your butt in Spanish speaking countries. It was designed by two young engineers from Spain and came to life using a kickstarter campaign. For more info about that campaign check it out here.
We splurged on the glow-in-the-dark version because, why not? Bathroom emergencies don’t always strike in daylight! Honestly, the glow-in-the-dark feature isn’t strictly necessary, but it’s pretty epic nonetheless.
The Practical Side of Portable Bidets
I’ve heard that in Japan, toilets do everything for you, complete with blow-dry! I have to admit, you might still need a little toilet paper for drying – depending on the climate. Pocket tissues are indispensable traveling, especially for female travelers.
Top tip: Save extra napkins from lunch – your next bathroom visit might be a wild one. I learned this during Venezuela’s great toilet paper shortage of the 2010’s (and beyond). It’s a hard habit to break, but it came in handy during the craziness of 2020 too!
Beyond Travel: Why Portable Bidets Rock
Once you convert (and I expect most sane Functional Hippies will), you’ll have zero fear of toilet paper shortages. Toilet paper becomes insignificant – an unnecessary expense. Using socks as an emergency back up for TP is a trauma of the past (you know who you are! 🧦💩😆)
Other Awesome Uses for Your Travel Bidet:
- Postpartum care: Just like a peri bottle — gentle and hygienic.
- Hemorrhoid relief: Less irritation, more relief.
- Ultralight backpacking: Weightless hygiene tool!
- Foot rinsing: Beachy feet? No problem.
- Baby & pet baths: Great in a pinch.
- Water gun fun: Yes, adults can play too 😄
Join the Bum Gun Revolution
The best portable bidet isn’t just about hygiene – it’s about sustainability too. Save the trees, save your bum, and clean that ass coz you’ve got class!
Whether you’re planning your next adventure or just want to upgrade your daily routine, a portable travel bidet like the CuloClean is a game-changer. Your future self (and your bum) will thank you.
Out with the wipes, in with the pipes — let’s get cheeky! 😜
Grab your CuloClean portable travel bidet now (Amazon)
Have You Tried a Travel Bidet?
Are you a bidet veteran or a curious newbie? Share your stories in the comments — the good, the bad, and the hilarious!
Disclosure: Some links in this article are affiliate links to Amazon. If you click through and buy, I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. I honestly couldn’t me more behind this product. 😆
